Oct 4, 2015

Sell in May

Maggie May - Rod Stewart

Adapted from Rod Stewart (YouTube)

Wake up, Janet, I think I’ve got something to say to you
It’s late September and it looks like I’ve been quite a fool
Investors keep you amused, but we feel we’re being used
Oh, Janet, you couldn't have lied any more
You led me away from bonds with the most inglorious of cons
You stole my savings, and that's what really hurts

The fluorescent light when it’s in your hair really shows your age
But that don't comfort me none -- in my eyes, you're no damn sage
I laughed at the Fed’s QE, not once, not twice – but three !?
Oh, Janet, you couldn't have lied any more
You led me away from cash just to stem the economic morass
You crushed my Roth, and that's a pain I can do without

All I needed was the Fed to lend a guiding hand
But you turned into a dove -- and mother, what a dove -- you wore me out
All you did was wreck my Keogh with rates still stuck at zero
Oh, Janet, I couldn’t have cried any more
You led me right into stocks just as they were hitting the rocks
You stole my future, I couldn't retire now if I tried

I suppose I could pitch Herbalife or head on back to school
Or sell advertising space on the back of a rented mule
Or find myself a lemonade stand that needs a helping hand
Oh, Janet, I wish I'd never seen your face
My very first trade, you see, marked the peak of the S&P
You tried your best, but I hate you anyway

{cue guitar solo, then scintillating mandolin break}

Janet, I wish I'd never seen your face
I'll get on back to parity one of these days  (Boo-hoo)