Oct 11, 2015

The Night They Drove Old VIX-ie Down

Night They Drove Old Dixie Down

Music by The Band (YouTube)

Maxwell Pain is the name, and I burned a short-seller's flame
Till Dimon's cavalry came, and stocks tore up the charts again

In the fall of '09, bears were humbled
They'd just started to thrive
By October 10th, VIX futures fell
It's a time I remember, oh so well

Oct 4, 2015

A Redder Shade of Pale

Red stock quote board

Courtesy of Procol Harum (YouTube)

We skipped a full contango
Danced ‘cross the trading floor
I was feeling kind of lovesick
Tepper called out for more
The Dow was humming harder
As her resistance flew away
When we called out for another drink
Bernanke brought a tray

And so it was that later
As the Bloomberg told his tale
That the screen, at first just green
Turned a redder shade of pale


Aqualung - Jethro Tull

Many thanks to Jethro Tull (YouTube)

Sitting on the chart trend
Eyeing retail orders with bad intent
Bots are running through the close
Sleazy profits, grabbing all the lows
Hey Algo-lung

Spiking just before 1:00
Watching as the squirrelly shorts all run
Hey Algo-lung
Wheeling up the dumptruck
Head-spinning decrease as new longs yell “F^#k!”
Whoa, Algo-lung

Sell in May

Maggie May - Rod Stewart

Adapted from Rod Stewart (YouTube)

Wake up, Janet, I think I’ve got something to say to you
It’s late September and it looks like I’ve been quite a fool
Investors keep you amused, but we feel we’re being used
Oh, Janet, you couldn't have lied any more
You led me away from bonds with the most inglorious of cons
You stole my savings, and that's what really hurts

Another Crummy Day

Life Pursuit cover - Belle and Sebastian

Original lyric by Belle and Sebastian (YouTube)

(Was surprised to hear this in a Hampton Inn TV spot, I assume the first time the band’s music has been used for such purposes here in the States)

Another crummy day, I’m levered up with full margin
You were biased short, I went long, beg your pardon
I viewed an hourly graph of QQQs with an envelope border
It broke my heart to see the bottom limit breached

Another range-bound day, I’m trapped just outside a pivot
Stocks turn and recoil, seems you know it’s the wrong bet
You’ve got an attack algo taking out the naïve longs
And by Sunday margin bells ring out on the desks


Smiths - "Panic" sleeve

Parody of The Smiths (YouTube)

Panic in the markets of London
Panic hits the servers in Framingham
I wonder to myself
Have markets just become sane again?
As worldwide bubbles get tapped down
I wonder to myself

Where the Shorts Are

Where the Boys Are - Connie Francis

Thanks to Connie Francis (YouTube)

{A mean-reversion manifesto}

Where the shorts are, buy-stops wait for me
Won’t leave a trace, their gains erased
Firearms won’t help, unfortunately

Where new shorts are, my best spoofs will be
They’re hunkered around the next pivot down
But I know they’re not lookin' for me

Sunlight Bathed the Golden Glow


From the classic track by Felt (YouTube)

[aka "Sunlight Killed the Golden Goose"]

You're trying to fool somebody, but you end up fooling yourself
You’re reading from that book of Keynes’,
but you don't know what it’s about
I listened to you, now maybe you'll listen to me
You're trying much too hard to make markets trade like a dream

You’ve stepped in it, big time; now you're stepping out of line
If we made a movie of it, would you forward guide your lines?
Stop all this over-thinking, ain’t gonna do no good
Your global QE scheme isn’t doin’ what it should

Golden Cross

Courtesy of David Bowie (YouTube)

Golden Cross, golden, whop whop whop
Golden Cross, golden, whop whop whop

Don't let me hear you say stocks are taking you nowhere, Angel
Come get long, my baby
Look at that SPY, rally’s begun, Goldman’s long and the trap’s been sprung
Come, get long my baby

My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Black)

Rust Never Sleeps - Neil Young & Crazy Horse

From two Neil Young (YouTube) tracks on “Rust Never Sleeps”

My my, hey hey
Low-volume crap is here to stay
There’s less to the picture than meets the eye
Hey hey, my my

Trading’s gone but it’s not forgotten
Can’t remember things this rotten
Now that it’s gone it may never come back
We’re all into the red, and out of the black

Yellen Receives Aerial Threat

Janet Yellen

Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen received an anonymous threat via e-mail indicating that if rates aren’t hiked to 1.0% by January 1, 2016, a drone will be dispatched to hover outside Fed headquarters "and play the same damn Mariah Carey song over and over.”

While the specific Carey title wasn't mentioned, officials are naturally taking this threat seriously.

I'm Waiting For the Fed

Velvet Underground & Nico

With assistance from The Velvet Underground (YouTube)

I'm waiting for The Fed
Twenty-six SPY calls in the red
Up to resistance, but no new highs
Feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive
I'm waiting for the Fed

“Hey, white bull, what you doin' uptown?
Hey bull, you pushin' our short stops around?“
Oh pardon me sir, it's furthest from my mind
Lookin' for Dudley -- he’s a dear, dear friend of mine
I'm waiting for the Fed

Oct 2, 2015

Rip It

Whip It - Devo

Alternate take on on an MTV hit by Devo (YouTube)

Smash that VIX           Force the bears to flip
Pump up the DAX        Break short-sellers’ backs

When a bottom comes along            (You must rip it)
Before the bulls all say “So long”       (You must rip it)
When the Fed sings different songs   (You must rip it)

Oct 1, 2015

Friday I'm in Love

Friday I'm in Love - The Cure

Stock trading version of the classic by The Cure (YouTube)

I don’t care if Monday’s black
Tuesday, Wednesday, algo crap
Thursday ends right at VWAP
It’s Friday -- I’m in love

Monday, you can fall apart
Thursday I’ll just throw a dart
Tuesday -- you promiscuous tart
It’s Friday, I’m in love

By Thursday’s fading light, it’s such a gorgeous sight
To see futures ramp in the middle of the night
You can never get enough, enough of this stuff
It’s Friday, I’m in L-O-V-E

I'm QE No. 8. I Am

I'm Henry VII, I Am - Herman's Hermits

With the musical assistance of Herman's Hermits (YouTube)

I'm QE No. 8, I am, QE the Eighth, I am, I am
I just squeezed the shorts next door
They’ve been buried seven times before
And every last one was an enemy (enemy)
They shouldn’t try to short like that (like that)
I'm the eighth bull scam, I'm QE
QE the Eighth I am

Second verse, much like the first:

Frankly, Mr. Draghi

Frankly, Mr. Shankly
Music provided by The Smiths (YouTube)

Frankly, Mr. Draghi, the positions I've held
They ruin my day and put me in a hole
I want to die, you will not miss me
I want to go down in Forex history

Frankly, Mr. Abe, I'm a sickening wreck
I've got negative equity breathing down my neck
I must move fast, you understand me
Or I’ll be stopped out with paranoid mystery

The Figurehead

The Cure

When things get really gloomy in markets, one naturally thinks of The Cure (YouTube) from the early 80s:

They shorted the open
Leave me alone -- I’ve been sleeping less every night
As I’m dazed and overweighted, getting too long with size
A noise – I screamed – tore my clothes, heard my Price Alert siren
With the Spiders declining, they thrust up the VIX from the opening bell
We broke a key level for the first time in a year

You Can't Hurry Doves

You Can't Hurry Love - Supremes

Music by The Supremes (YouTube)

I need those doves, doves to ease my mind
They need to hike, so I’ll know the world’s fine
But mama said:

You can't hurry doves
No, you just have to wait
She said hikes make them queasy
They’re afraid markets will break

You've Got Everything Now

Smiths - Hatful of Hollow

Apologies to The Smiths (YouTube)

As reliable as the sparrow’s song
You were short while I was long
Back at the old dark pool
I would win and you would lose

But you're outperforming now
You've got everything now
And what a cut I got from this falling knife
Oh, what a loss I took from this dive

They Front-Run All Their Clients

She Blinded Me With Science - Thomas Dolby

From the one-hit MTV wonder by Thomas Dolby (YouTube)

It’s thievery at the open, the algos trading SPY crush me
They fake Brownian motion, then end back near the highs of the week
They blighted me with science   (They blighted me with science)
And tricked me with technology

But when I chance longs close to highs
(They’re using rocket science)      Science!
I can smell those criminals           (Science!)