Aug 31, 2015

CNBC Commercial You May Have Missed

Why are you so cheerful today?

New CNBC/Bloomberg TV commercial you may not have seen:

{Two men in water fly-fishing, wearing coveralls/ waders}

{1st Man}  “Why are you so pissed off today?”

{2nd Man}  “I had a miserably shitty week trading my Interactive Brokers account.  Between dip-buyers and mean-reverters, we whipsawed like constipated dragonflies playing ping-pong.  (notices 1st Man gritting his teeth)  What?  Are you an active trader too?”

Aug 29, 2015

HFT Killed the Click-Trading Star

Video Killed the Radio Star/Buggles

From the classic video hit by The Buggles (YouTube)

(Ask traders “how do you survive?” and they reply “’one day at a time.”)

I heard you got a wireless mouse in '92
Staying awake, intent on trading SPY and crude
You could use tighter stops, retracements, there were few

They took in credits and rebates, trading for free
These HFT machines with new technology
Under a grand lie they provide liquidity

Sarao, Nav

Bob Dylan - Desire

Alternate version of Bob Dylan's "Hurricane" :

Big program trade leaks out to the CME floor, enter HFT’s for a quick windfall
Waddell & Reed’s traders in a pool of sweat, cry out “My god they sold it all!”

Here comes the story of Sarao, Nav
The man the authorities are tryin’ to nab for something HFTs have done
Put in a prison cell in London so he can be their scapegoat to the world

Aug 26, 2015

Every Day is a Fun Day

Everyday is Like Sunday - Morrissey

Adapted from Morrissey (YouTube)

Plunging lower, as through quicksand  
Back to the place where your funds were frozen
These are the hopeful stocks that forgot how to go down
Armageddon—come, Armageddon   Come, Armageddon    Come!

Every day was a plunge day
Every day was silent and grey

Side with the Plunge Squad in the post-drop
"How I dearly wish I’d bought more here"

Aug 25, 2015

Paradise by the Bloomberg Light

Meat Loaf

Meat Loaf (YouTube) sells short:

[Boy:]   I remember every little trade, as it happened only Friday
China crashed late and there was not a dip-buyer in sight
And I never had a setup looking any better than you did
And all the big dark pools, they were dumping shares overnight

And now the range is not so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And there was no one gonna catch this falling knife
No one making bets on the edge of the knife
C'mon, take a dive     C'mon, take a dive !

Though my foot’s asleep and I’m all out of Sprite,
I can see paradise by the Bloomberg light

It's a Head-Fake

It's a Heartache - Bonnie Tyler

With a little help from Bonnie Tyler (YouTube)

It's a head-fake, nothing but a head-fake
You notice, but it’s it's too late
Bids are headed down

It's a fool's game, nothing but a fool’s game
Not protecting old gains, feeling like a clown

It's a head-fake, nothing but a head-fake
They lift it till new shorts break
Then they take it down

Aug 21, 2015

Stop Me if You Think that Virtu’s Selling More

Strangeways, Here We Come

With music by The Smiths (YouTube)

Stop me out, oh-o, stop me
Stop me if you think that Virtu’s selling more
Stop me out, oh-o, stop me
Stop me if you think that you've heard they’re selling more

Nothing's changed, I still love Spoos, oh, I still love Spoos
Only slightly, only slightly less than I used to, my love

I was way-laid, I was bug-sprayed
Hit my emergency stop
Grand theft, last 10 seconds till close
It crashed down with a pin-bar

And the loss was enough to make
A high, fat nudist get dressed
And plan a crass merger
Who said to buy it here?

Aug 20, 2015

Buy Me Some Eagles

Fly Like An Eagle - Steve Miller Band

Steve Miller Band (YouTube) on metals in these uncertain financial times

Stocks keep on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the futures
Stocks keep on slippin', slippin', slippin'
In overnight futures

I want to buy me some Eagles, for delivery
I’ll buy ‘em with dollars ‘cause I’m fresh out of tenge
I want to buy me some Eagles, and be carefree
Oh, Lord, through the devaluations

Aug 19, 2015

I Taught You Babe

I Got You Babe - Sonny & Cher

A slightly different version than the Sonny & Cher (YouTube) original

***As sung by Stanley Fischer and Janet Yellen

{Yellen}  They say we're dumb and we don't know
We won't find out until we leave Zero
{Fischer}  Well I suspect all that's true
'Cause you taught me, and baby I taught you

Babe, I taught you babe, I taught you babe

{Janet}  They say that doves can’t pay the rent
‘Cause nothing’s earned, the money’s all been printed
{Stan}  I guess so, but we don’t have any pot
So I’ll check to see what other drugs we’ve got

Aug 18, 2015

BABA, I'm Gonna Sell You

Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You

Yet another Led Zeppelin (YouTube) parody

BABA, BABA, BABA, I'm gonna sell you
I said BABA, you know I'm gonna sell you
I'll sell you in the summertime
Sell you as the buyback comes a-rollin'
Sell you while somebody’s still long

BABA, BABA, I’ve got to sell you
I ain’t jokin’, man, my account’s in shambles
BABA, I can’t believe you really had a red candle
I don’t see them turning green the way they used to do
I had fear there was something wrong with Chrome

Aug 17, 2015

All the Young 'Crudes'

All the Young Dudes - Mott the Hoople

Written by David Bowie, this parody adapts the Mott the Hoople (YouTube) version

Well, Billy cracked all night about his fratricide
How we can shoot him in the head if crude hits 55
Short at 35, don’t want to be alive when it’s 55

And Wendy's spieling quotes from Marx and Spock
And Freddy's got scars from the face-ripping spike in ‘08
Then got long before the retrace

But the television man is crazy sayin’ retail can’t cash any checks
Oh man, like I need CNBC when I got ZH
Oh, brother, you've guessed -- we trade crude, dad

Aug 14, 2015

Light My Fire

The Doors

To be sung to the music of The Doors (YouTube)

You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you:   Bond yields couldn't get much higher

C’mon Powell, light my fire;  c’mon JP, take rates higher
Try to set the markets on fire

Aug 13, 2015

Yellen's House

The Field Mice

From Sarah Records stalwarts The Field Mice (YouTube)

Early morning, but the Fed’s door
The clouds above form a right shoulder that’s grey
Early morning by the week’s lows
Where we are
Where we now are
You have so much to live up to
You have so much live down
Yellen’s House is empty
The bulls have ransacked Yellen’s House

Aug 12, 2015

Algo Fighting

Kung Fu Fighting - Carl Douglas

Alternate version of the 70s bubblegum hit by Carl Douglas (YouTube)

Everybody was algo fighting
Those bids were fast as lightning
In fact, it’s just a little bit frightening
‘Cause it seems they rigged the timing

They were geeky little men from funky Chi-town
They were propping markets up, they were chopping them down
It's a modern, black art that really messes up your chart
From fading all the rips, to buyin’ all the dips

Aug 11, 2015

Joy to the World

Three Dog Night

With apologies to Three Dog Night (YouTube)

Janet Yellen was the Fed Chair
Was a good friend of mine
I never understood a single word she said
So I helped her markets decline
Stocks can’t always rise in a straight line

Singin' “Joy to the world”
All the boys and girls, now
Fade all the bank shares at their apogee
Shorts for you and me

Aug 10, 2015

Been Shorting Too Long

Nick Drake

From the original by Nick Drake (YouTube)/Robin Frederick

Well I wake up in the morning, look at the Dow
It's not even noon time, I’m already stopped out

Tell me, tell me, what have I done wrong?
Ain't nothing go right with me
Must be I've been shorting too long

Aug 7, 2015


Beatles - Revolver

Lovingly adapted from The Beatles (YouTube)

When he tells me how it will be
It’s a call for him, nine puts for me
‘Cause he’s the Gart-Man, yeah, Dennis Gartman

Though his readers’ gains appear quite small
They’re thankful to have any at all
‘Cause he’s the Gart-Man, yeah, he’s the Gart-Man


Day Tripper - Beatles

Re-worked from The Beatles (YouTube)

Got a good reason for shaking your trade screens about
Got a good reason for punching your Bloomberg screen out, now
It was a round-tripper, two-way ticket yeah
It took me so long to find out, but I found out

Aug 3, 2015

Mom, I'm Only Shorting

Bowie - John, I'm Only Dancing

Another David Bowie (YouTube) parody

Mom’s IRA is pretty neat, it’s all in cash – boy, that’s sweet!
Gosh, the trend’s been awful strong, bet your life everyone’s long
Oh lordy, oh lordy, you know I need some margin
HFTs – don’t touch me !

Mom, I’m only shorting, it turns me on
But I'm only shorting, it turns me on
Don't force me long
I'm only shorting

I'm Into Something Good

Herman's Hermits - I'm Into Something Good

From the classic by Herman's Hermits (YouTube)

Woke up this morning feelin' fine, with bearish thoughts on my mind
Last night I went full short with all the margin I could, whoa yeah
Something tells me I'm into something good

I met a girl at Schwab who shorted SPY, and I can tell I'm her kind of guy
She held on right through the close like I hoped she would
(She stayed net short like I hoped she would)
Something tells me I'm into something good

Aug 2, 2015

Going Up Again

Goats Head Soup

Adapted from the Rolling Stones (YouTube)

Going up again, going up again
Stocks go up again

Share your bots
There's nothing you should hide
We’re all trying to survive
Got caught short, oh, taken for a ride
In the end, that’s no surprise