Mar 31, 2015

Dow in Two

Pernice Bros - Yours, Mine & Ours cover

original by the Pernice Brothers (You Tube)

Sometimes better not to let your cards show
Holding on to longs when you should just let go
FedSpeak causing strange dreams:
Like Munch using Gartman’s face to paint “The Scream”

Push, pull, rally’s gonna stall
Why not take a little if you couldn’t have it all?
Seven years of picking up steam
Then reality comes, messes with the Fed’s pipedream
Hey longs, you rocked and rolled
Now a bulls eye hangs on your soul

Don't Let the Dow Go Down on Me

Elton John - Don't Let the Sun cover

Elton John (You Tube) as a Dow theorist:

I can't fight no more of your sell programs
All my bar charts seem to print in black and white
I'm growing tired as new highs fade before me 
Frozen here on the 100 DMA

It's much too late to save my stocks from falling
I changed my plans to double down tonight
But you misread my order when I sent it
Closed the door and left me holding $1 million DIA-monds

Don't let the Dow go down on me
Although I bought some puts, I think they expired last week
I just need just a fragment of a point to break even
But losing my right arm, ain’t like the Dow going down on me

Mar 22, 2015

Chart of FAZ

Blondie - Debbie Harry

From the original hit single by Blondie (You Tube)

Once we had QE, and it was a gas
Soon turned out, had a chart of FAZ
Seemed like the real thing, only to find
Moss + lichen, Fed & markets entwined

Once we had doves, and they started to shine
Got audaciously long, if you were so inclined
Seemed like the right move, though many declined
Mucho mistrust, jobs falling behind

In between all the endless printing we were feeling fine
Now ‘lift-off’ is confusing, there's no peace of mind
I fear the Fed is losing it, it's just no good, teasing like they do

Mar 21, 2015

Whistling in the Dark

Bruce Springsteen:  Dancing in the Dark

Bruce Springsteen (You Tube) remains a cautious bull

I buy stocks in the evening
Cheap names have already been played
I add my hedge in the morning
Would short 'US Macro’, but no symbols trade
I’ll soon be retired
And can put my CFA back on the shelf
Hey there Janet, I could use just a little help

They can't start a correction
Can't start a correction without a spark
This one goes higher
Even if we're just whistling in the dark

Such Great Heights

Such Great Heights (cover) - Postal Service

adapted from The Postal Service / Iron & Wine (You Tube)

I think it’s by design
That the algos trading SPY are spittin' images
They can’t miss, they're perfectly aligned

And I think they’d postulate
That God Himself can’t break
Their cold, ongoing streak
Of guzzling profits every single day

If true, it makes me want to retch
But thoughts like this can’t match
My troubled buy-limit with price
As I am whipsawed half to death

Mar 20, 2015

Doves Hurt

"Love Hurts" Nazareth 45"

music provided by Nazareth (You Tube)

Doves hurt, doves tease
Doves wound, and squeeze
Any shorts, not tough
Nor strong enough
To take a lot of pain
And forsake a lot of gains
Doves are like cows:
Big heads, small brains

Doves hurt, oooh, doves hurt

Mar 19, 2015

You've Lost That Dovish Feelin'

Righteous Bros - You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' cover

apologies to The Righteous Brothers (You Tube)

You never nod your head anymore when I buy the dips
And there's no bitterness like before when the market round-trips
You're trying hard not to show it (baby)
But baby . . . baby I know it

You've lost that dovish feelin'
Whoa, that dovish feelin'
You've lost that dovey feelin'
Now it's gone...gone...gone...woah

Churn! Churn! Churn!

Watch everything churn, churn, churn
There is a reason, churn, churn, churn:
A complete lack of purpose under Yellen

A time to be short, a time for SPY
A time to spend, a time for cheap
A time for skill, a time to cheat
A time to crash, a time for LEAPS

Sell everything, churn, churn, churn
Don’t need a reason, churn, churn, churn
But leave time for repurchase before Yellen
A time to melt up, a time to break down
A time to advance, a time to abort
A time to castigate shorts
A time to gather loans together

Mar 18, 2015

You're So Lame

Carly Simon - You're So Vain

original by Carly Simon (You Tube)

You walked in to the press room like you were walking into a yacht
Your beard strategically trimmed above the neck, your tie a bull-green ascot
You had one eye on the markets as you watched yourself go by
And all the hedgies dreamed they’d be your partner, they’d be your partner

You’re so lame, don't even think this post is about you
You’re so lame, I bet you think this post ain't about you -- don’t you ?

Mar 17, 2015

50 Ways to Run For Cover

Paul Simon - Still Crazy cover

adapted from Paul Simon (You Tube)

The problem’s all inside the Fed, she said to me   
The answer’s easy -- at least hypothetically
Though we’re siblings, my advice will not be free:
There must be 50 ways to run for cover

She said:  it's really not my habit to be rude
Furthermore, I hope my solution won’t exhaust or convolute
But I'll repeat myself, while your losses grow on crude:
There must be 50 ways to run for cover, 50 ways to run for cover

Mar 15, 2015

Sister Golden Cross

America - Sister Golden Hair

with music by America (You Tube)

Well I update charts on Sunday, but I got so damn depressed
That I put it off till Monday ‘cause I got myself too stressed
I ain't ready for a rally but I do agree there's times
When technicals sure can be a friend of mine

Well, I keep on thinkin' 'bout you, Sister Golden Cross, despised
And I'm still a cautious skeptic, can’t you see it in my eyes?
I’ve been all short and despondent, I’ve been duped too many times
But it doesn’t mean I’m going long this time

Will you meet me in the middle, or will you soar into the air?
Will you pull back just a little, just enough to trap the bears?

Well I tried to fake it, I don't mind sayin', I just can't buy it

You Hooked Me All-In Long


AC/DC (You Tube) pays tribute to former Fed Chair Ben Bernanke

He was a bull’s dream, he kept the markets green
He was the best damn Fed Chair that I've ever seen
On weekend football pitches, he was quite a surprise
Scoring goals with those scrawny thighs
Had Mother Nature pulling out her hair
First time a dove ever killed a bear

‘Cause markets were shaking, with trend lines breaking
The shorts were quaking as QE was baking, and you

Hooked me all-in long
Yeah, you had me 100% long

Bad Stocks Rising

music by Creedence Clearwater Revival (You Tube)

(When the lower quality "Most Shorted" stocks start the day strong, it's a bad omen for short-sellers of an impending squeeze)

I see the bad stocks risin’
That means trouble’s on the way
No sense for shorts to keep a-fightin’
I see a big squeeze today

Don't go short tonight
Well it's bound to take your life
There are bad stocks on the rise

Mar 12, 2015

Still Short

The Smiths

courtesy of The Smiths (You Tube)

I decree today the market’s simply taking and not giving
Trading is dead, you can’t make a living
But don’t ask me why -- just try shorting SPY
Oh, ask me twice and I'll punch both your eyes
But we cannot cling to the MACD anymore
No, we cannot trade with those things

Does the market rule the Fed or does the Fed rule the market?  I dunno

Mar 10, 2015

Janet Don't Lose That Number

Steely Dan - Pretzel Logic cover

adapted from Steely Dan (You Tube)

We hear you're tightening, that's OK
I thought our wild market ride had just begun  
I guess somebody scared you - did Fisher pull a gun?
But you could have a change of heart

Janet, let's roll a number
Before you make a move you might regret
Meditate in the forest by yourself
Janet, let’s roll a number
It's the only drug you want
You can tell them you have glaucoma
If you get caught

All Buys, No Sells

Eric Carmen - All By Myself

Eric Carmen (You Tube) &/or Celine Dion lament long-only strategies with hits spanning 20 yrs of investing:

When I was young
I thought I needed only longs
And selling short was just for fun
Those days are gone

Trading alone
I think of leveraged funds I own
But when I dial the support phone
Nobody’s home

All buys, no sells
Don't wanna trade
All buys, no sells

Red Winter Hymnal

Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal

For today's market turmoil, from Fleet Foxes (You Tube)

This was fun to write, link above on repeat for hrs (with puppies in the video, no less), but when it seemed neighborhood joggers were singin’ my version, it was time to call it a night ...

I was fading hard the,
I was fading hard the,
I was fading hard the …

I was fading hard the longs
All fiddlin’ with their quotes
With kitchen knives to their own throats
To keep the dovish Feds
From killin' the light show
But it’s too late – bam! – there it goes
And AAPL you would fall
And turn that upslope back
like boomerangs in Aussie climes

Mar 9, 2015

Floor in Gold

gold bars

A quick one from Neil Young (You Tube)

I want to live, I want to give
I’ve been a miner for a floor in gold
It’s these retracements I never get
That keep me searching for a floor in gold
And it’s getting old


Talking Heads - Heaven

Market theology from Talking Heads (You Tube)

Everyone is trying
to get into the market
The name of the market,
the market’s called Heaven
Managers in Heaven buy my favorite stock
Buy AAPL once again, buy it all day long

Heaven, Heaven is a place
A place where corrections
Corrections never happen

Mar 7, 2015

Celebrated Stunner

Husker Du:  New Day Rising cover

NASDAQ 5000 nostalgia from Hüsker Dü (You Tube):

The NASDAQ floated on air, like streamers from a tower
Day-trading moguls born, they added one each hour

There was no better way to spend a dime:
Grab blocks of dot-com stocks – ‘twas party time
You could go fish while shorts got banged around
Profits by four, go buy your friends a round

Buying junk each week, and flip it for ten grand
A somnambulant Fed let things get out of hand

Was this your Fed-induced stop-runner?
Was that the celebrated stunner?
Were those three years one endless summer?

Afternoon Delight

Afternoon Delight

Courtesy of Starland Vocal Band (You Tube)

Gonna find my broker, ask her for a big bite
Gonna grab me some weekly calls in SPY
My motto's always been, when it's right it's right
Why wait until the middle of a Globex night

When everything trades a little better in the light of day
And the night session’s always gonna be there anyway

Mar 6, 2015

Rebel Rebel

Bowie - Rebel Rebel

courtesy of David Bowie (You Tube)

Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo

You've got your mother ready to bawl
She's says you can’t buy puts, just calls
Hey babe, you’re positioned right
Hey babe, let's short RUT tonight
You like me 'cause I'll fade them all
You short naked (and you look divine)
You love stocks when they’re fadin’ hard  
You want more and you want it fast

They buy the dips, and say I'm wrong
You bearish thing, you'll prove them wrong

Rebel Rebel, take off your hedge
Rebel Rebel, your margin’s a mess
Rebel Rebel, what do they know?  
Hot bear, I love you so!

Mar 5, 2015

Constant Trading

original by k.d. Lang (You Tube)

Even against the darkest pools
With volume thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin

And constant trading has always been

Maybe a great magnet pulls
All stocks toward VWAP
Or maybe it is life itself
Leading me to a trap

Constant trading has always been

Trading, ah-ahhh
Constant trading
Has always been
Has always been …

Hikin' in the Boys Room

Brownsville Station

At a retirement party for Dallas Fed President Richard Fisher, a known hawk, Janet Yellen didn't quite know what to expect when he was handed a Karaoke microphone, and chose a track by Brownsville Station (You Tube)/Motley Crue:

Sittin’ in the Fed meeting, thinkin’ it's a drag
Listening to Janet drone on just ain't my bag
When the opening bell rings, you know it's my cue
Gonna meet Plosser on Floor Number 2

Hikin' in the Boys room, hikin' in the Boys room
Janet, don't you fill me up with your rules
Everybody knows that rate hikes ain't allowed ‘til June

The Doves are Back in Town

Thin Lizzy - Boys are Back cover

Another Karaoke event in the Fed's Eccles Building, with New York Fed President Bill Dudley selecting a classic by Thin Lizzy (You Tube):

Guess who just got back today?
Them Keynesian boys that had been away
Haven't changed -- got too much to say
But man, I still think them doves are crazy

They were asking, Ben, if you were around
How you was, is any of your beard still brown?
Told them you work as a rodeo clown
Driving your pal Greenspan crazy

The doves are back in town, the doves are back in town

Without ZIRP

Nilsson - Without You cover

A future Federal Reserve meeting concludes with a Karaoke team-building event, as one of the more dovish members, slumped in a semi-fetal position, after selecting a track by Harry Nilsson (You Tube), is handed the microphone:

No, I can't forget this evening
Janet’s face as she was leaving
But I guess that's just the way Fed meetings go
She cracked a smile but in her eyes the Brooklyn showed
Yes, it showed

No, I can't accept tomorrow
Must embrace my dovish sorrow
When I had Bill’s vote, but then I let it go
And now it's only fair to let Steve Liesman know
What he should know:

I can't live
If living is without ZIRP
Can't print, can't give any more
I can’t live !
. . .

Mar 4, 2015

QE is the Drug

With a little help from Roxy Music (You Tube)

‘Tain't no big thing to wait for the bell to ring
‘Tain’t no big thing, the opening bell …

I trade futures, most every day
Thanks to the Fed, they’re all long plays
Markets are bubblin up - what's in store?
QE is the drug and I need to score
But lately I’m not sure enough, it’s hit and run
Trade meets stop in a big beat-down
Trendline’s tight, can't shake free
The Fed’s the dealer, got their hooks in me

Oh-oh, catch that buzz, QE is the drug I'm thinking of
Oh-oh, can't you see, QE’s the drug for me

Mar 2, 2015

Lyin' ICE

Eagles - One of These Nights cover

Courtesy of The Eagles (You Tube)

Traders’ wives just seem to find out early
How to sniff out their husband’s position size
No leveraged holds, and she won't have to worry
They'll share dinners at eight and go in style

Late afternoon, his trading desk sits lonely
I guess every way of living has its vice
And it breaks her heart to find her lover Tony
Making risky bets with Nat Gas trades on ICE

So she claims to meet a Persian master weaving
A carpet for their big new flat downtown
But he knows where she's going as she's leaving
She’s headed for her attorney at Mayer Brown

You can't hide your lines on ICE
And your SPY is a thin disguise
She learned TradeStation, you realize
There ain't no way to hide your lyin' ICE

Top of the Book


another parody of The Carpenters (You Tube)

I'm on Top of the Book lookin' down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
For why my orders never fill, and my profits remain nil:
Virtu clubbed me off the Top of the Book

Everything I want markets to be
Just won’t come true, thanks to the SEC
And the reason is clear -- it's ‘cause HFT is here
You're the nearest thing to hell that I have seen

Mar 1, 2015

Beyoncé vs. Goldman Sachs

Beyonce Halo

music by Beyoncé (You Tube)

Remember that code you built?
Well, baby, it’s crumbling down
You didn't even put up a fight
You couldn't survive one round

I found a way to get a win
But it came at quite a cost:
I’m standing in the darkness of Hades
Yeah - I got my own algo now

All my principles forsaken
Every rule, I had to break ‘em
But it's a risk worth takin’
You ain't never gonna shut me out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your disgrace
I’ll see you in Hades
But at least I won’t lose the race

You're everything I loathe and more
It's written all over my face
You’ll feel me in Hades
And I won’t soon go away

[Chorus]   I’ll see you in Hades (Hades, Hades)

This Alarming Plan

This Charming Man

A parody of The Smiths (You Tube)

Structured vehicles
Credit plays so desperate
Will markets make a fool of me yet?

While in this charming bar
This alarming plan:
Why tamper with convexity
when stocks will soon run out of steam?

I would short RUT tonight
but I haven’t got a dime to spare
This man said it’s gruesome
that someone so clever should dare

Tonight I'm Getting Back At You

Carly Rae Jepsen (You Tube) vs. Panther Energy Trading

I wanna smash your face
Then get drunk off your fears
Don't share your oil spoofing code with anyone but me
I wanna tear out your heart
I wanna crush it in my hands
Make you plead and cry as you give up all the lines

We're not colleagues, but more than friends
Put a jet fuel flame to every single word you ever said
No more spying to get me through
I'll keep coding all night till I come up with something new

Tonight I’m getting back at you
Tonight I’m getting back at you
Back at you