Feb 27, 2015


adapted from Neil Young (You Tube)

Look out Mama, there’s an algo comin’ up the river
With a big bull flag and a candle with a mile-long tail
I think we’d better move our stops
Cuz it don’t look like it's here to de-lever the whale
It’s a millisecond away, I hope it’s not here to stay
It’s got “Goldman” on the side, high volume
and it’s making big waves

Mama Told Me Not to Short

apologies to Randy Newman and Three Dog Night (You Tube)

‘Want a Buy Stop at the pivot?
Ain't you worried ‘bout a squeeze?’
What are these crazy questions you’re askin’ me?
This is the craziest market that could EVER be
No monthly statements, ‘cause I don’t wanna see
Mama told me not to short
Mama told me not to short
"That’s not the way to have fun, Son"

Bloomberg TV’s blasting, margin clerks are at the door
I’m looking at my broker -- he’s passed out on the floor
I've seen frothy ramps like I ain't never seen before
Used to fade new highs -- not anymore

Mama told me not to short, Mama told me not to short
She said:  "Don't play with loaded guns, Son"

Mama told me, Mama told me ...

Feb 26, 2015

7 Chinese Hackers

apologies to R.E.M. (You Tube)

The smell of sweet & sour pork, women offers, pull up a seat
Drank 3 free Suntory’s, now brain spins ‘n’ rattles
Laptop sleep on wake reveals password Post-It color
Special characters could not spell the birthday of your daughter          

7 Chinese hackers stalling your promotion
7 Norton scans won’t sweep away the pain
They'll return, they will return

Feb 25, 2015

I'm Not a Dove


adapted from 10cc (You Tube)

I'm not a dove, so don't forget it
It's just a market phase I'm going through
And just because I've propped you up
Don't get too long, don't think you've got it made
I'm not a dove, no no     (It's because ...)

I’d like to reach 2.00, but then again
The timing doesn't really mean that much to me
So if I hike rates, don't make a fuss
'You're either on the bus or off the bus'
I'm not a dove, no no    (It's because ...)

Feb 24, 2015

Bankrupt You, Bankrupt Me


music by Genesis (You Tube)

Print with me
Like Keynes, I hope you'll always be
Ready to monetize if ever I need you
Oh my doves

In our hands
They’ll feel so safe and so secure
And every day is such a perfect day to ease
Along with you

I will bankrupt you, will you bankrupt me
All the currency fights that we know will be
I will play with you, will you play with me
Just a single rate hike each 15 years

Feb 23, 2015



Paul Simon's (You Tube) lawyers are urged to show restraint:

When I think back
On all the crap I learned from chartists
It's a wonder I can trade at all
And though my lack of TradeStation
Hasn't hurt me none
I still read the patterns on the wall

They give us those nice bright colors
They give us adjustable plot guides
Makes you think all the world’s
A penny arcade, oh yeah
Got me some Ichimoku
I love to tweak my custom graphs
So, Worden, don't take my FreeStockCharts away

If you took all the stocks I used
Since I first started
And brought them all together in one chart
Be like an EKG of the entire city of Boston
All dyin’ at VWAP by one thrown dart

FreeStockCharts !

Worden, don’t take my FreeStockCharts away

Heaven Knows I'm Vulnerable Now

Smiths: Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

courtesy of The Smiths (You Tube)

I was basking in the haze of Yellen’s finest hour
But heaven knows I’m vulnerable now
I was looking for a broker, and then I found a broker
And heaven knows I'm vulnerable now

In my life, why do I give even one dime
To people who don’t care if my account lives or dies?

Summer commodity plays hit my IRA
And heaven knows I'm vulnerable now
She was looking for the Yen – I guess she found theYen
And heaven knows I'm vulnerable now

Feb 22, 2015

Close to Me

Carpenters - Close to You

adapted from The Carpenters (You Tube)

Why do HFTs suddenly appear  
Every time my stop-loss nears?
Just like you, they long to be
Close to me

Why do stocks crash down from the sky
Every time I’m long SPY?
Just like you, they long to be
Close to me

Have You Never Been Yellow?

Olivia Newton-John - Mellow

adapted from Olivia Newton-John (You Tube)

There was a time when I was in a hurry to close trades
I was like you
There was a week I averaged 734 SPY trades per day
I was like you
Now I don't mean to make you frown
No, I just need to slow down

Have you never been yellow?
Have you never tried to tap the Graham & Dodd inside you?
Have you never been happy just to buy and stay long
then wait five years to see if you were wrong?

Yellen's Army

Elvis Costello

music by Elvis Costello (You Tube)

Don't start me trading, I could trade all night
My mind went jaywalking
While I was putting up the fight:
Called careers information
Trading’s not considered an occupation

Yellen's army is here to stay
Draghi's armies are on their way
And I would rather be anywhere else
Than in these markets today

Algos, Quants & Thieves

Cher - Gypsies

courtesy of Cher (You Tube)

I was born in the computer of a quant named Joe
We’d make traders dance for the money they’d blow
The SEC did what little they could:
Preach stress-testing, drink a couple bottles of Dr. Good

Algos, quants and thieves
We heard it from the people of the town
They called us algos, quants and thieves
But every night all the men still come around
And lay their money down

Bass in Pocket

Icahn Time cover

apologies to The Pretenders (You Tube)

Got Kyle Bass in pocket
Got Ackman, I’m gonna abuse him
No reason, just seems so pleasin’
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice

Got Einhorn, can’t miss a beat
Got a new wife, she’s so sweet
Hey Dell boys -- I’m winking at you
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice

The More That You Short Me, the Higher I Get


adapted from Morrissey (You Tube)

The more that you short me, the higher I get
You're wasting your time

I will feed a green bar, with your head on the bar
I am now a central part of your margin clerk’s thoughts
whether you care or do not
I've made up his mind

Feb 21, 2015

Your (Algo's) Song

Elton Johh - Your Song

music by Elton John (You Tube)

(to be sung by your favorite algo)

It's a little bit giddy, this feeling inside
That’s not the sort of trade one could easily hide
I don't have much money but, boy if I did
I'd mortgage my house and fade your hopeful bids

And don’t tell anybody that was your trade
It must seem quite obvious, now that it's failed
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I took the other side
How wonderful life is while you're in the market

I sat on the pivot and captured your loss
Well, a few of your trades
Were like a rhino playing lacrosse
But I know I've not been kind
To you in this song
But you must learn quickly
Or you’ll never last long

Year of the Crash


a parody of Al Stewart (You Tube)

On a morning from a Chandor movie
In a market many start to fade
You go strolling through the crowd like Peter Thiel
Contemplating a trade
She comes out of the sun in a Greek dress
Cut like a waterfall in Spain
Don't bother asking about deflation
She'll just tell you that she came
In the Year of the Crash

She doesn’t hear your last suggestion
As she locks up your trade in hers
And you follow 'till your sense of proper hedging
Completely disappears
By the Bloomberg wall in her broker’s hall
There's a hidden tranche she leads you to
These days, she says, I feel my risk
Just like a shiver running through me
In the Year of the Crash

Thank You

Led Zeppelin - Thank You

music by Led Zeppelin (You Tube)

If the Fed refused to hike,
I would still be holding you
Green Mountain crumbles to 13
There will still be you and me

Kindle Touch, I’d give you my right arm
Kindle Fire, maybe more

Little drones and planes
Deliver my video games
No talk of profits like the days gone by
The stock is strong, with Jeff there is no wrong
AMZN shall grow until we die

Bug-Eyed Quant

Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl

courtesy of Van Morrison (You Tube)

Top 40 in a post-HFT world

Hey, where did we go, days when the gains came?
Down in the basement, playing a new game
Spoofin’ and front-runnin’, hey-hey, a-pingin’ and a-pumpin’
In the HFT morning fog with our, our computers a-hummin’
And you, my bug-eyed quant
You, my bug-eyed quant

Whatever happened to Tuesdays so slow
We’d spend all afternoon crossing the NBBO
Sitting with our laptops, laughing
Splashin’ in the darkest pools
Snaking and a-gliding all along the 20 MA with you
My bug-eyed quant
You, my bug-eyed quant

Pink Rabbits

The National

an adaptation from The National (YouTube)

Markets were quiet, so I took a walk in the rain
I was just racking my brain over our next set of trades
Somebody said you over-tightened our stops
I didn't understand then, I don't understand now

Am I the one you think about when you're
sitting in your trading chair, feedin’ bad habits?

Then, all the buyers were gone
You were busy sending tweets
‘cause you were trying not to fess up

Sounds of Silence

Simon & Garfunkel

adapted from Simon & Garfunkel (YouTube)

Hello Buy Stop, my old friend
I need to talk with you again
Because the market’s softly creeping
Goosed by HFTs while I was sleeping
And the derision that was planted in my brain
Further inflames
Leaving only thoughts of violence

Through restless nights I watch my phone          
Little charts in monochrome
'Neath the glare of my flashlight app
I raised my fist against this endless ramp  
When my eyes were stabbed    
By a wick-less candle’s light, piercing new highs
Heralding the throes of crisis

Color Me Impressed

The Replacements

courtesy of The Replacements (YouTube)

Everybody in your market
They don't look depressed
Everybody’s buying AAPL
Color me impressed

Stayin' up late, short the market
Won't be gettin' sleep
Keeping safe their passwords
Cause that's all that they will keep

Mopping Up Yellen's Floor

Bob Dylan

music by Bob Dylan (YouTube)

Mama, take this market from me
I can't trade it anymore
Volume’s light, too light to see
I feel I’m moppin' up Yellen’s floor

Mop, mop, moppin' up Yellen’s floor  (4X)

Keynesian Supernova


music by Oasis (YouTube)

How many major trendlines change
even when the slope is strained?
Where were you when we were hitting highs?

Pundits say it just won’t fall
We’ll make more than the Powerball
Where were they while we were getting high?

I hope you’ll never find me
Sleeping on a hayride
In a QE-induced coma holding SPY
But someday you might find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a Keynesian supernova
A Keynesian supernova in the sky

House of the Rising Stock

The Animals

An adaptation from The Animals (YouTube)

There is a stock in New York
They call UVXY
And it's been the ruin of many a poor trader
And God, I know I'm one

My mother’s been short Priceline
Since it was at 13
My father favors an ‘IG9 Tranche’
But don’t ask him what that means

My brother gets things backwards
Since he stared into the sun
That’s why he keeps his muni bonds
In his (k)401

Tonight’s the Night (Gonna See New Highs)

Rod Stewart

courtesy of Rod Stewart (YouTube)

Stay away from the bedroom
Stay away from your ‘Shades of Grey’
Re-connect the T1 line
Make some coffee, re-cork that wine

Slip on your shoes, and please don’t frown
Cover up that pretty French gown
Fire up TradeStation – here’s the link
Ooh, Babe!  Not now – I need to think, cause

Tonight's the night
We take stocks to new highs
While the shorts all sleep
Ain't nobody gonna stop us now


Bowie - Changes

David Bowie (YouTube) learns to swing trade

Still don't know what I was looking for
And the swings were getting wild
A million two-way streets and
Every time I thought I nailed a trade
It seemed the result was not so sweet
So, I bought the false breakouts
‘Cause I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see a fake-out
I'm still too green to pass that test


Turn and fade the strange r-r-ranges
You want to be a richer man?
Learn to fade the trading ranges
Just gonna have to use a different plan
Price may change me, but I can't chase price

Bennie and the Feds

apologies to Elton John (YouTube)

(The inside story on the Fed’s original Lift-Off plan)

Hey Kids!  The Lift-Off plan’s together
If spot rates stay sub-one I can always blame the weather
We’ll declaw all the hawks tonight, so stick around
You’re gonna hear an eclectic plan that would make Keynes proud

Say, Fisher and Plosser haven’t seen it yet
Oooh – the hikes are SO spaced out

{The Kids}
B-b-b-Bennie and the Feds
Oh, these low rates are so wonderful
That Bennie, he’s really keen

The Dow’s electric moves
I just can’t lose !
You know I read it all in Time Mag-a-zine
B-b-b-Bennie and the Feds